My Gratitude Journal - Aug.18-24th

On Saturday I was thinking about all the things I should be grateful for; my family, the gospel, a roof over our heads, food on the table, a good job, friends, good health, but to be honest I didn't feel grateful for anything. I was having one of those 'crazy-pregnant-lady-hormone-raging-freak-show-weekends'. Really! I was mad at the world, well not so much the world mostly my family, well not so much the kids, mostly my husband. Imagine all those crazy lady hormones directed at mostly one person, the poor guy. Ken was walking on eggshells after I told him he needed to pay more attention to ME and stop doing things for everybody else. Nice wife, huh? Ken got scolded for serving others. I told him he could serve me by scrubbing the tub or doing some laundry, actually I had a pretty long list. He got scared and started avoiding me, I did the same. In his attempt to not get the wrath of me, he started doing more around the house and with the kids. I only vaguely recognized his efforts and continued to get madder. (remember crazy pregnant lady) I swore I would never do this, but he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. He never did anything wrong in the first place, but still I wanted to ring his neck. I was exhausted and feeling overwhelmed. I thought he should read my mind and know that I needed help. What's so hard about that? (Just Kidding) On, Sunday I gave my tithing to the 2nd Counselor. It may have been because he only got called to the bishopric the week before and wasn't used to people handing him money, but he said, "Give this to your husband", I said, "No, I saw you first". I didn't mention that if I gave it to Ken I would have to acknowledge that we were in the same room together. For all the ward members thinking hold up-I saw you two snuggling in Sunday School. I know I know. Sometimes it just takes an arm around the shoulder or a squeeze of the hand to make it all better. I am better now. And I am grateful.

Now that I am not feeling so 'crazy pregnant lady-ish' (still pregnant, just not as crazy) here are the other things I am grateful for this week.

* The three oldest kids started school and report that all is well. They had a great first week.

* I had a doctors appt. and can report that all is well. I am measuring bigger than I should, but that's normal for me. I'm just hoping for a baby under 10lbs. I have three months to go, hopefully 2 months 3 weeks!

* I had time this week to work on a scrapbook I've been wanting to finish. Fun stuff!

* As some of you may have read, we had the opportunity to go to dinner with some friends on Monday. That was fun, until we got home. But, I am happy to report that we also had a babysitter on Thursday (not Tami) and she reported that the kids were perfect as they promised they would be. Our lecture must have done some good!

* I bought and finished a new book this week.

* I made some progress on the mound of laundry downstairs, and at the moment my bathroom doesn't smell like urine! I'll give that 1/2 a day. Todd actually pee-ed on the top of the toilet last week. Top to bottom I should say. Who taught that kids to pee standing up?

*I made a NO TV or movies during the week rule. We haven't have any TV hooked up for about 2 months, but the kids have been watching videos. I decided there isn't enough time between coming home from school and going to bed to add watching TV into the mix. Plus, I'm trying to choose-Good, Better, Best-and TV isn't fitting into my list of priorities. But, the first two days this week I thought I was going to kill Todd. He was having a hard time adjusting to having the kids gone and with no movies to lull his brain he was driving my crazy. Every second was a near catastrophe of some kind. But, I am glad to report by Wednesday he and Emma had found other ways of entertaining themselves and things are going better. And he's still alive!

* On that same note, I am so grateful for the time Ken and I spend together in the evenings without TV. In June when we were getting ready for our camping trip we disconnected to TV to put in the trailer, since then we have never hooked it back up. I enjoy talking, reading, and walking together so much more than TV vegging. I've learned to be really grateful for that time.

* We got to celebrate our oldest's birthday yesterday. As I have looked back over the last 10 years, I see I have been so blessed. All of my children are a gift and blessing to me and I enjoy seeing them grow. I won't pretend that it is easy, and this week I have felt so weary. But even so, they buoy me up and I thank my Father in Heaven for giving me the gift of being a mother.

* And finally I am grateful that even when I am "the crazy freak-show pregnant lady" my family still loves me. Tyler has been especially sweet, he is always asking if I am doing Okay, then he kisses my cheek. He is so sweet. I am grateful for family.