Losing It....Week 22

I am in a grumpy, ornery, bad mood. Aftyn has not slept for 2 nights. I am so tired. And today's weigh-in just ticked me off.

Results:

0

No change.

CRAP!

I think I worked pretty hard the last two weeks but it didn't seem to do any good. Technically I did lose 6 ounces, but who cares? I don't count ounces, I only care about the big number. The big number this week is still 199.0 to be exact. I don't think I would mind not losing as much if I wasn't still so close to that big ugly 200 pound number. I want to get as far away from that number as quickly as I can.

So, here's my plan....I have avoided writing down my food intake because I just didn't want the hassle. I want to make this all as easy as possible so I don't get overwhelmed and decide it's not worth it. I've basically just been winging it hoping that what I'm doing will work. So far it has, but I think it's time to step it up a notch. My plan for now is to keep track of what I'm eating and when so I have a better idea of the calories I'm eating and also a chart to track my habits.... Am I drinking enough water? Do I snack too much? That sort of thing. I know it's going to be a bit of a pain in the butt for me, but I'm hoping that it also helps me think twice before I decide to eat something.

Here's some good news...Do you remember that final program on my treadmill that I haven't been able to complete? Well I did it! Several times now. It was quite the mental battle for me the first time because I didn't know what to expect. Whenever I thought about quitting I would just tell myself to hold on for 2 more minutes. I did that until I finally finished. And it felt awesome. The next time I did it it was a mental battle because I did know what to expect and I knew that it would be difficult. Pushing myself to do something hard and succeeding had it's rewards. That particular program goes up to 6mph at an 8% incline. I know that to some that is a piece of cake, hardly even a workout. But for me it was another victory. It's sure beats what I used to be able to do. 

I was feeling pretty good about myself, bragging to Ken about my awesome treadmill skills. So, he decided to get on and try that same program. To be honest I wanted to see him quit. I wanted it to be so hard that he couldn't keep up and ended up begging for mercy, humbled that his wife had kicked his treadmill bootie. Sad for me, that did not happen. That chump (I mean that affectionately) got on and did the whole program with only mild discomfort. It totally knocked the wind right out of my sails. Dang him! I'm mean....well done, honey. I'm so proud of you. Really.

Side note: Marathoners, 1/2 marathoners... amaze me. I seriously have a hard time fathoming running for that long. Maybe someday I'll get there, but for now I'll just stand in awe. Seriously in awe.

Okay...On to another tangent. 

Body Image

I think I have made myself clear that I am not doing this to fit in with the world's idea of "skinny" or what "pretty" is. For me this is all about health and wellness, physically and spiritually. With that said, I want to talk about my perception of body image. Someone once said to me years ago, about 11 as a matter of fact, something like this..."You know Nancy, for being one of the bigger girls in our ward (church congregation, not mental institution) you really are pretty." Uh...thank-you, I think? It was kind of a back handed compliment with an insult attached, though I know she meant well. That pretty much sums up how I have always felt. Pretty...in a bigger girl sort of way. Not too over done, not too homely, just somewhere in the middle. I knew if I had too I could hold my own in a group of people, even being a "bigger girl", that was fine with me. I never thought about myself in any other way...I have always been the bigger girl. Growing up all my friends were the bean pole type. I was full figured with plenty of hips, bootie, and boobs by the time I was 13. I grew up with only one sister she was the tall, skinny, blond. I was not. I adjusted to my "bigger girl" roll pretty well, especially as I got older. To be honest I stereotyped many "skinny girls" as having over inflated ego's and a false sense of self-worth based on their bodies, who in reality didn't really feel very good about themselves. That was my take on it anyway. I didn't want to be one of those kind of girls even more than I didn't want to be a bigger girl. In many ways I felt like I was better off than them. After all, at least I had real self-worth that wasn't based on the way I looked. I knew I was valued and important no matter what size I wore. However, lately for the first time in my life I've realized that I could one day be a skinny girl. Not "one of those skinny girls", because I will never based my self-worth on my size or the way I look. Kind of a weird thought to think about. I know I still have a long way to go, but I'm not giving up till I reach my end goal. Whatever that is...may 150-ish maybe less, I'll have to see when I get there. Anyway, enough about that, let's get back to business.

Next weigh-in goal:

So this weigh-in wasn't so hot, next two weeks has to be better. My next weigh-in goal is...

-3 lbs.

I know progress pictures are fun to see, so just for fun I'll leave you with my latest before and after pics.

*I really don't have a super accurate BEFORE shot, but this pic is close to right before I started working out.

* The AFTER was taken yesterday, those pants used to be skin tight on me, with no room to spare. Actually they nearly cut off my circulation.

 Before - July 2011 After - January 2012

 It's progress.

Can't wait to see what 36 more pounds will look like!