Yesterday my sister-in-law, Julianna, posted the following note on her facebook account....
I need friends....no I mean, real friends.
I'm really struggling in the friendship department (and I don't mean on facebook) right now. It's not that I don't have friends, I just feel like I don't have very many really good friends. I'm craving that in my life right now, but I'm never willing to step out of my comfort zone. I don't know how to make friends anymore...the really good kind. The kind that will hang out with you not matter what your house looks like. The kind that won't judge you for the color of your hair. The kind that you could talk to, laugh with, cry with, and never feel embarrassed, hurt or afraid. I don't want to know a little bit about their life, I want to know about their soul. Like the kind of friendship I have with my sisters. I want more of those kind of friends around me. Is it normal to feel this way when your a bit older and have a job, a family, a million and two responsibilities?
How do I make really good friends? I need a workshop, a tutorial, perhaps an intervention.
This note really got me thinking. How many of us can relate to how she feels? I know I can at times. Although I don't know that I could have articulated my feelings as well I feel like Julianna could have been speaking for me or so many other women. Don't get me wrong I have some great friends. True, true, wonderful friends. But sometimes I wish I had more close friends. I have found that my truest friends are not always the ones I see or talk to all the time, most live some distance away, but they are the ones that are always there in spirit if not in person when things get tough, they are the ones that you can go months or even years without speaking to them pick up right where you left off as if you were never apart. They are the ones that truly understand me even when you haven't said much. I have friends like that. But there are times when I feel so alone and just crave friendship.
I want to be the person that invites friends over for Sunday dinners, summer BBQ's, game nights, girls night out, or just spending time together hanging out talking or sharing each other talents. I want to be that person...but I'm not. Life always seems to get in the way, or maybe it's my own insecurities getting in the way. I am not the friend I wish I was, so I am going to make an effort to do better.
I think that Julianna's comment was heartfelt, well written, and honestly surprising. Surprising because I would have never guessed that she would feel that way. I hope my sister (I'm dropping the in-law part. It's only a technicality and it's always annoyed me so from her on it's just sister.) doesn't mind me sharing this. Sorry, I didn't ask. I just thought it was something worth sharing. My sister, Julianna, is a smart, talented, beautiful, sweet, hard working mother of two little girls. She works full-time outside of the home, while my bothers stays home with the girls and works part-time. She has a large family with siblings that she is very close to. She and my brother go lots of places, do lots of things, they always seem busy to me. They love family and fill there time with good things. From my perspective life seems so full it would leave little room for more. But perspective is a funny thing...it can be wrong. Julianna taught me a valuable lesson. Although our everyday lives are very different we are still so similar. We feel the same and have the same needs. Just like all of us do. Unless you are just strange, I've never met anyone who doesn't need friends. It was so refreshing for me to hear Julianna express her feeling so openly. It makes me wonder how many other people I have been wrong about. From now on I won't assume that because someone looks from the outside like they couldn't possibly be lonely that they aren't in need of a friend. I'm going to try and step out of my comfort zone and make a new friend and be a better friend to ones I already have.
Just something to think about.
7 comments:
I can't think of a better friend than you. I really mean that!
Amen, sister! So many of us are feeling this way...we just need to reach out and grab onto each other! Love you, Nanc!
Wow! That was so thought provoking. I think I feel the same way you do. There are moments when I struggle with a really difficult problem with kids or life, and I think... "I wish I had someone that I could REALLY talk to... a really close friend." But I don't make time to build those relationships anymore. My whole life is about kids! Especially with Matt working and traveling the way he does. I feel so guilty for leaving the kids any more than is absolutely necessary, but that means there's no time for MY relationships outside of them.
You've given me a lot to thing about. Thanks.
She hit the nail right on the head! I have often felt that way and it was nice to hear that someone else feels precisely the same way. Thank you for sharing. I have a lot to think about now. :)
Wow! I didn't expect to see this on your blog today. Thanks for all of your wonderful thoughts. I don't feel like I'm "that" person either....the one who invites other people over. I want to, I just don't do it. I know it's my insecurities and I really need to get over it.
After reading comments on facebook and now here, I think it's just the age and stage of our lives. As much as we want REALLY good friends, it's just not the stage we are in anymore.
I guess I have learned that I need to hold tight to the true friendships I have and also look for ways to meet new "true" friends...friends that understand and want the same thing. Friends that understand my life is busy and messy and they don't care. Friends who get me. Friends who, like me, are looking for more than a face-to-face friendship.
It's taken me a while to be able to comment on this one...everytime I try I just end up in tears (kind of like right now but I will try and get throught it.)
This is exactly what I have been struggling with the hardest lately. Thanks for this post. It really helped me see that I'm not alone.
I just stumbled on to your blog. I too have an angle baby. I just thought I'd share some thoughts, that might help. This post reminded me of my mother. I have been truly blessed with a couple true friends that I can share almost anything with, they don't judge me and will help me any way that they can. They will also share their true feelings about me.
I found them through service. my friend tina, was new in the ward and served me. I'm lucky she went out of her way to serve me and get to know me. So I guess in answer to your question of how to get a true friend. I would say serve. It's also been through us serving others together that we have had opportunities to share personal thoughts and feelings with each other. After reading your post I realize that I must not take my true friends for granted. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I believe that Heavenly Father can help us know how to serve and get close to others if we ask and listen. Good luck in all your adventures.
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