Losing It....Week 22

I am in a grumpy, ornery, bad mood. Aftyn has not slept for 2 nights. I am so tired. And today's weigh-in just ticked me off.

Results:

0

No change.

CRAP!

I think I worked pretty hard the last two weeks but it didn't seem to do any good. Technically I did lose 6 ounces, but who cares? I don't count ounces, I only care about the big number. The big number this week is still 199.0 to be exact. I don't think I would mind not losing as much if I wasn't still so close to that big ugly 200 pound number. I want to get as far away from that number as quickly as I can.

So, here's my plan....I have avoided writing down my food intake because I just didn't want the hassle. I want to make this all as easy as possible so I don't get overwhelmed and decide it's not worth it. I've basically just been winging it hoping that what I'm doing will work. So far it has, but I think it's time to step it up a notch. My plan for now is to keep track of what I'm eating and when so I have a better idea of the calories I'm eating and also a chart to track my habits.... Am I drinking enough water? Do I snack too much? That sort of thing. I know it's going to be a bit of a pain in the butt for me, but I'm hoping that it also helps me think twice before I decide to eat something.

Here's some good news...Do you remember that final program on my treadmill that I haven't been able to complete? Well I did it! Several times now. It was quite the mental battle for me the first time because I didn't know what to expect. Whenever I thought about quitting I would just tell myself to hold on for 2 more minutes. I did that until I finally finished. And it felt awesome. The next time I did it it was a mental battle because I did know what to expect and I knew that it would be difficult. Pushing myself to do something hard and succeeding had it's rewards. That particular program goes up to 6mph at an 8% incline. I know that to some that is a piece of cake, hardly even a workout. But for me it was another victory. It's sure beats what I used to be able to do. 

I was feeling pretty good about myself, bragging to Ken about my awesome treadmill skills. So, he decided to get on and try that same program. To be honest I wanted to see him quit. I wanted it to be so hard that he couldn't keep up and ended up begging for mercy, humbled that his wife had kicked his treadmill bootie. Sad for me, that did not happen. That chump (I mean that affectionately) got on and did the whole program with only mild discomfort. It totally knocked the wind right out of my sails. Dang him! I'm mean....well done, honey. I'm so proud of you. Really.

Side note: Marathoners, 1/2 marathoners... amaze me. I seriously have a hard time fathoming running for that long. Maybe someday I'll get there, but for now I'll just stand in awe. Seriously in awe.

Okay...On to another tangent. 

Body Image

I think I have made myself clear that I am not doing this to fit in with the world's idea of "skinny" or what "pretty" is. For me this is all about health and wellness, physically and spiritually. With that said, I want to talk about my perception of body image. Someone once said to me years ago, about 11 as a matter of fact, something like this..."You know Nancy, for being one of the bigger girls in our ward (church congregation, not mental institution) you really are pretty." Uh...thank-you, I think? It was kind of a back handed compliment with an insult attached, though I know she meant well. That pretty much sums up how I have always felt. Pretty...in a bigger girl sort of way. Not too over done, not too homely, just somewhere in the middle. I knew if I had too I could hold my own in a group of people, even being a "bigger girl", that was fine with me. I never thought about myself in any other way...I have always been the bigger girl. Growing up all my friends were the bean pole type. I was full figured with plenty of hips, bootie, and boobs by the time I was 13. I grew up with only one sister she was the tall, skinny, blond. I was not. I adjusted to my "bigger girl" roll pretty well, especially as I got older. To be honest I stereotyped many "skinny girls" as having over inflated ego's and a false sense of self-worth based on their bodies, who in reality didn't really feel very good about themselves. That was my take on it anyway. I didn't want to be one of those kind of girls even more than I didn't want to be a bigger girl. In many ways I felt like I was better off than them. After all, at least I had real self-worth that wasn't based on the way I looked. I knew I was valued and important no matter what size I wore. However, lately for the first time in my life I've realized that I could one day be a skinny girl. Not "one of those skinny girls", because I will never based my self-worth on my size or the way I look. Kind of a weird thought to think about. I know I still have a long way to go, but I'm not giving up till I reach my end goal. Whatever that is...may 150-ish maybe less, I'll have to see when I get there. Anyway, enough about that, let's get back to business.

Next weigh-in goal:

So this weigh-in wasn't so hot, next two weeks has to be better. My next weigh-in goal is...

-3 lbs.

I know progress pictures are fun to see, so just for fun I'll leave you with my latest before and after pics.

*I really don't have a super accurate BEFORE shot, but this pic is close to right before I started working out.

* The AFTER was taken yesterday, those pants used to be skin tight on me, with no room to spare. Actually they nearly cut off my circulation.

 Before - July 2011 After - January 2012

 It's progress.

Can't wait to see what 36 more pounds will look like!

Tyler turns 11!

11 Years Old. Wahoo!!

Tyler is a funny boy. Really, he is so witty and clever. He keeps us laughing. He loves football. Has an infatuation with the Army. Loves all things good. Tyler has a strong testimony of the Gospel and is not afraid to share it. He is a great big brother. He tries hard in all that he does. We are so lucky to have this awesome kid as part of our family.

Happy Birthday, Tyler!!!

Tyler,

You have brought 11 years of joy to both dad and I. When I was pregnant with you we didn't know if you were a boy or a girl. Dad insisted that he didn't care either way but Dad cried when he held you for the first time. He was so proud to have his first son. You are a great example to your younger brothers and sisters. We love watching you grow up, and are so very proud of you, son.

Love you tons, Mom

January Roberts Happenings

I've been without the Internet for the past few days. It felt similar to what I can imagine cutting off my right arm would feel like. I hate to say it but...I think I'm an addict. I do so much on my computer. I bank online, pay my bills online, check my emails, go to SCHOOL online, not to mention my BLOG, and others blog, or the love/hate relationship I have with facebook. Ugh..I hate to admit it but I'm a little lost without my computer. Thankfully it is back up and I can resume normal life.

As for normal, here's the new norm this semester....

Ken was hoping to graduate this past December but it will be this April instead. He managed to nearly pull off an impossible schedule last semester...working full-time and taking 16 credits of school. In the end he passed all but one 3 credit class which he is finishing off this semester. He worked so hard. I honestly can't believe what he was able to do each and every very LONG day. I am very proud of him and can't wait to celebrate his victory in April.

As for me, since Ken is slowing down, I've decided to speed things up. I usually only take 6 credits of online classes per semester. But this semester I'm taking 9 credits, one online and two down on campus. I'm only out of the house Saturday mornings and Monday evenings which I think will be wonderful for all of us. I'll get a break from the house, my kids will get a break from me, and Ken will get to spend more time at home. I think it's win-win for everyone.

I'm pretty excited about my classes....I'm taking - Psychology, Social Work, and Marriage and Family relations. Doesn't that sound fun? It does to me! 

On a side note....We've finally been painting some rooms in the house. We've started in the living/dinning room and will make our way into the kitchen and eventually the bedrooms. I'll post pictures of the finished product soon. Hopefully soon. Probably soon. Maybe soon. 

Do You Remember This?

Do you remember when McKenna "helped" Sydney with her art project?

I'm sure you do.

Well, Sydney did a great job covering up all those scribbles. You can really only see one now in the center of the bus.

Even with McKenna's help she got a 6/5 on this assignment.

Thankfully, McKenna hasn't tried to help on any other projects. 

Great Job, Sydney

Here's one more recent project.

This one is an abstract turtle. I can't quite see the turtle, but I think it's way cool anyway.

It's really fun to see Syd and all the kids work hard on something and develop their talents. They are all their own unique self's, I love it. Parenting is pretty cool.

2011 A Year in Review

Each year I like to pull out the old calendar and review the events of the past year.

So...This is what kept us busy in 2011.

January 

* Lots of doctor, dentist, and orthodontic appointments.

* Parent/Teacher Conferences

* Kaylie goes the Clear Creek outdoors school with her 5th grade class.

* Tyler turned 10.

* 2 little angels were born into our family, Zachary and Aftyn. One meant for Heaven and one meant for earth.

February

* Emma turned 8 years old. On the same day Aftyn and I returned home from the hospital.

* Emma gets her ears pierced.

* Mom turned 36 years young.

* I got my hair done. Only happened twice the whole year so it's worth recording.

March

* Kaylie got Honorable Mention at the district science fair.

* Aftyn got RSV on the same night.

* Mom ended up in tears because she couldn't be two places at once. Hate it when that happens.

* Sydney's school choir concert. She rocks!

* New Beginnings

* Syd, Kay, myself, and Aunt Tami attend the YW General Conference together. Tradition!

* More school field trips, doctors appt., orthodontist, and the usual running around that goes on every month and deserves no further mention.

April

* We planted Zachary's peach tree.

* Emma is baptized.

* Aftyn is blessed.

* Spring break is a blur...must have been super exciting. NOT!

May

* Tyler gets his braces off.

* Picnicked up the canyon with my bro and his fam.

* Memorial Day - the first year it wasn't just another holiday. We sent balloons to Heaven.

June

* School gets out for the summer.

* Sydney performs with her singing group.

* Youth Conference - Ken and Sydney go on The Trek.

* Attended Kevin and Holly's wedding.

* Ken goes to Scout Camp with the Priests

* Grandpa Wolfley and Grandpa Loreen take Syd, Kay and Ty to see the Manti Pageant.

* Ken spends a week in the Philippines.

* Ty goes to scout camp.

* McKenna turns 4.

* Sydney goes to girls camp.

July

* Went to the cult-sac of fire. Saw some way cool fireworks this year right in our own neighborhood. I'll never buy fireworks again. My neighbors make mine look wussy.

* Ty goes to Civil War Camp.

* Syd does lots of babysitting.

* Ken and Ty go fishing.

August

* Went through the Salt Lake Temple with nephew, Porter. (Independence, Missouri Mission)

* Went through the Timpanogas Temple with nephew, Josh.  (Mexico City Southeast, Mission)

* Went to Cedar City, visited Zion's National Park with Ken's brother, Tim and family.

* Kids went back to school (McKenna started pre-school)

* Ken and I started another semester at UVU.

September

* Ken turned 38.

* We celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary.

* Spent a day shucking corn with my sisters.

* Todd's backyard campout with dad got rained out. :( Sad.

October

* Todd turned 7.

* Went to the Pumpkin Patch with Grandpa Wolfley and Grandma Loreen.

* Sydney's choir concert.

* I had to got to speak in church.

* My niece Juliann spends Fall break with us.

* Ken's takes a business trip to Portland, OR.
* Kay breaks her arm.

* Grandma and Grandpa Roberts come for a visit.

* Ty loses his retainer. Finds it one week after I pay for a new one. So classic!

November

* Kaylie turns 12!!! Gets to start attending Young Women's.
* Daric turns 3.

* Tyler goes to Clear Creek with his 5th grade class. Ken gets to go with him.

* Ken is so flipping busy we hardly see him, but he is pure awesomeness- trudging along with work and school.

* Had a great Thanksgiving Holiday.

* Set up the Christmas tree.

December

* Sydney and Kaylie preform with Music Express.

* Went to "The Forgotten Carols" with Emma, Tyler, my good friend Tish and her daughter.

* Ken and I went to the Mo-Tab Christmas concert with some fun friends.

* Ken and I finished another semester.

* Ken spent nearly two weeks home with us during Christmas break. So nice to be spend time together.

* Had a wonderful Christmas!!!

* Took a very quick trip to Idaho.

* Spent New Year's with some of our besties - The Throckmorton's, Ken's parents, &Tami and Darren. 

 2011 will be a year I will aways remember. It has been a year of heartache, blessings, and immense growth. As 2011 comes to a close I look back on it with fond memories and gratitude in my heart. We have so many sweet blessings. We are thankful for Jesus Christ and His tender mercies in our lives. We look forward to a new and wonderful 2012. And wish a very happy new year to all of our family and friends!!! 

A Shout-Out to my Friends

I have a lot on my mind lately, good things, bad things, happy things and sad things. I don't have the time or the emotional energy to explain all those things, but one thing that my mind keeps going back to is how thankful I am to have friends.

It has been my friends who have been my biggest supporters during some very challenging couple of years. It's impossible for me to thank all that deserve a thank-you, for some thanks I don't know where to place, only that it was needed and that I am grateful.

During the Relief Society lesson in church this Sunday I was reminded of the blessings that come from the visiting teaching program. Usually lessons like that put me to sleep or invoke a slew of guilt. But not this lesson...this lesson reminded me how much my Heavenly Father loves me. It became crystal clear to me that though I feel a lack of support from some people in my life the Lords has not forgotten me. He has placed certain people in my life at the right time to make up for where I lack in other places.

I was reminded of...

 The many face-less friends who helped us through those difficult months of unemployment. My prayer is that your generosity has returned to you tenfold.

My dear friend Tish, who week after week brought me dinner all the way from Spanish Fork while I was too sick with the twins to properly care for my family. 

 

Margaret, Jen, Jill, Susan, and many, many others who brought in meals and took my children for me while we were grieving or welcoming a new addition to our family.

Mandy who didn't forget Zachary when we was born or on the anniversary of his death. You may never fully understand what that meant to me. From the bottom of my heart-THANK YOU.

Dione for her constant friendship and for the thoughtful picture of the Savior with the little boy and girl. My little Aftyn and Zachary together. 

Those who came and cried with me in those very early days of grieving. And those who were still there long after those early days of grieving.

Shelly for being the first to celebrate with us when we announced our impending arrivals. And for being the first to the hospital to celebrate Aftyn's safe arrival. You were so quick in fact that I missed your first visit because I was still in the OR getting put back together. You are speedy and thoughtful. 

 Natalie for being willing to leave her family to take pictures of ours so we could save a moment in time forever.

Our friends close-by, our friends afar, and those we have never met who left tender messages of hope, love, and well wishes on our blog. Each thoughtful message helped buoy us up. You have mourned with me, celebrated with me, encouraged me, and made me feel loved. Thank You!

The phone calls to check-in. Or the random visits just to chat. The listening ears that heard me vent on the days I just couldn't be strong and needed to scream, cry, or be angry.

The many people who have offered prayers on our behalf. Prayers that we would find a job. Prayers for a healthy pregnancy. Prayers for a family grieving. Prayers for our surviving twin. Prayers for me. I have felt your prayers.

I cannot mention all the people in my life that have strengthened and supported me through the past few years, but I sure am thinking of each of you. You have been my source of strength. I know my father in Heaven loves me because of each of you. I am so grateful he places people in our lives for a purpose.

Why am I thinking about all this now?

For two reasons...

I have a heart full of gratitude and wanted to share it.

And two, today I am missing my baby boy. Some days just hurt, but today I am reminded how dear friends can make those rotten times in life so much more bearable, leaving sweet memories to cherish for a life-time.

Thank you, Friends!!! Each one of you, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!

Losing It....Week 20

You are about to be participants in nothing short of a small miracle....

drum roll, please....

I lost weight during Christmas & New Years

AND

I reached my first goal...

I made it to ONE-derland!!!!

Results:

-2 lbs.

I was so NOT expecting this victory today. I was actually a little blown away when I stepped on the scale today. You see, Christmas Eve and New Years Eve nearly did me in. I was rather naughty both those days and knew that I would have to work hard to make up for those days. It took me nearly a week to work off Christmas Eve dinner. I was scared about New Years because I definitely did not watch portions, calories, or anything else related to good health. I enjoyed (with mild guilt) pop, chips, fudge, and a mighty delicious bowl of chili. At best I was hoping to maintain, but I was preparing myself to report a gain. It would have been my first gain since starting my weight loss journey. But yeah for me, I didn't have to report a gain. Because yeah for me, I lost!!! 

Okay, I told myself that after I reached my first goal, which was to get under 200 lbs, that I would be more up front with numbers and sizes and such. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out these numbers but I will spare you the trouble.

As of today I weigh...199 lbs.

My starting weight was...235 lbs.

That is a 36 lb. weight loss in 20 weeks. 

That is an average of 1.8 lbs. per week.

That fits within the range of a healthy weight loss.

I now weigh 10 lbs. less than Ken. Another yeah for me!

I started out in a tight size 20 pants.

I now wear a tight size 14/16. ;)

It has probably been 12 years since I have weighed less than 200 lbs. I remember weighing 206 lbs. when I gave birth to Kaylie 12 years ago. For a short time I think I went under 200 lbs. but with nursing I put weight on and then I was quickly pregnant again. I had 3 babies in less than 2 1/2 years and by the time Tyler came along I was well into the 200's. I really ballooned after having Ty (3rd baby) and since that time I have hovered around the 220's and sometimes into the 230's ever since. I never really attempted to lose weight in the past since the babies kept coming and personal time was very limited. I just never made myself a priority.

My first real attempt to lose weight was in the summer of 2009. I lost about 15 lbs. then Ken lost his job in July and I spent a lot of time emotionally eating. By January 2010 I had gained it all back. By then we decided it was time to bring one last little munchkin into our family. In April I began one last ditch effort to lose a few pounds before I got pregnant, again I managed to take off 15 lbs. but by May I was pregnant with twins and the exercise stopped. It was six months after giving birth, and after gaining about 20 lbs. since their birth that I finally got serious again. 

And now I'm doing it! I'm really doing it!

My next goal weight is 185 lbs. That is about what I weighed when Ken and I married over 14 years ago, before this body pumped out 9 babies. When I reach 185 lbs. I want to snap a picture of me in my wedding dress, just for fun. 

VICTORY DANCE!