Today I am 31 1/2 weeks. If my doctor induces me at 37 weeks which I think he is planning on then that means I have less then 6 more weeks to go. For the last several weeks I have gone in for weekly appointments to make sure my blood pressure is under control. It had been rising at each appointment by now seems to be doing okay, thanks to a higher dose of blood pressure medicine.
A few weeks ago I went in for my regular check up and while listening to Aftyn's heartbeat she had a deceleration. Her heartbeat sounded so slow at first I thought it was my own, then it sped up then slowed down again. My doctor said not to worry too much that that can sometimes be normal, but of course I started to worry. This was the same week that I had to do a 24hr. urine test to make sure I wasn't getting toxemia and a 3hr. glucose test to check for gestational diabetes. It was also the week of Thanksgiving. By the time Thanksgiving was over I was exhausted physically and emotionally and was anxious for my next appointment to hear Aftyn's heartbeat again. During that appointment everything sounded fine, but I was having a completely hormonal day and had a total meltdown in the doctors office. Usually if I get emotional I can wait until I am alone or away from the office before I let the tears flow, but this visit I just started bawling right in front of my doctor. He was sweet, he gave me a hug, then said I needed to find a woman to talk to. I thought it was kind of funny. I think it was the first time he realized I might be depressed or anxious about this pregnancy. It was actually the first time we had ever discussed my emotional feelings since my 16 week appointment when we first lost Zachary.
I have always wondered if doctor's ever really consider a woman's mental health during a pregnancy or if they just think about the physical health side of things. I've wondered what it would take for a doctor to say...whoa crazy lady, are you okay? I guess just breaking down and crying does the trick because at my next appointment the following week my doctor said he thought I was depressed and suggested a prescription of Zoloft. I explained to him that although this pregnancy has been very difficult for me I thought I was just having a bad week and that the Zoloft would not be necessary. I told him that if next week I still felt like ripping someones head off then we could talk about it again. This week when he asked how I was doing I was able to tell him I was feeling much better, he seemed relieved.
Last week he started doing non-stress tests and fluid checks on the baby. I have had two so far one last Wednesday day and one yesterday. Both times the tests have landed me in the hospital in labor and delivery for extended observation. During both times Aftyn's heartbeat has shown a deceleration when I have a contraction (which are coming more frequently) and other times throughout the test which could indicate a problem with her cord. She also does not show as much response to stimuli as they want to see. I think it's because being buzzed means nothing to her after all the zerberts she's gotten from Daric. Yesterday Ken and I both got really nervous just wondering and praying that everything was okay. I stayed in the hospital for a few hours and she did have a few more decelerations, but we later learned that this can be normal with 31 weeks old babies. Near the end of the non-stress test my doctor said she was looking good and felt like she was fine. I have another non-stress test on Thursday, we'll see if we can get through this one without a trip to the hospital. I will be glad when Aftyn is here safely and I can stop worrying if all is well.
5 comments:
Babies heart rates naturally decelerate every now and then. Don't worry. We had a rough first pregnancy that didn't have a happy ending, BUT we learned a lot of things like baby hearts decelerate naturally. In fact, one of our nurses said it probably goes on the whole pregnancy. Doctors know so very little about pregnancy (which really suprises me since- how long have women been having babies?) and so they walk around guessing. Just relax and say your prayers and things will be as they should and you will have peace in your heart, no matter the outcome. I am thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers. :)
Nancy- I know it is so hard when they are not out and there is nothing you can do to help them when they are inside. Hang in there you are on the homestretch. BTW give me a couple years and we might eventually catch up:)
Now that my semester is over and I am not a crazy maniac of a person I can stop by and visit. I miss visiting with you.
I have to say that all the worry you have is something. I remember a few weeks before Theron was born I had these same worries. I had gone through a few hours of not feeling Theron move. Then when I went in he went from being low to normal...I was so scared I was in tears. You know what happened, but I think it's important to pay attention to those worries. We are mothers for a reason. You talking about your worry, brings back some of mine, but I know you have way more on your plate to deal with than what I had, which is something I could never compete with. I am praying over here for that sweet baby. You have lots of love on your side.
This is really hard. Having never been through such a difficult trial I can't do much more than empathize but I do know that the last few weeks I was pregnant with Megan were very scary for me. I constantly worried that she wouldn't make it. I was doing the same weekly non-stress tests and fluid checks as well so I wonder if just knowing that you have to be watched so closely is what puts extra worry in our heads. I'm not comparing my pregnancy with yours because you have so many added worries on top of the toxemia but I do remember the extra worry I seemed to have only with that pregnancy. I remember sitting on my swing one morning about the same amount of weeks with Megan you are at now and you came over and sat with me. I told you of my worries which seem silly now, but they were scarry then, and you comforted me. I really needed that. I wish I could do the same for you now. You are walking a very fine emotional line. While it is normal to worry some at this point you have valid concerns that so many others will never have, so your worries are multiplied so how far do you let your worrying go? Ty is right in that sometimes mother's intuition is the first sign of a problem but how do you know if this is mother's intuition or a mother's natural concern for the wellbeing of her child? It could be either at this point. I know prayer is a good way to find out but sometimes we are not given the answers we seek. I hope you find the answers you are looking for to help ease at least some of your concerns with this next stress test. Please let us know how it goes. Try not to let the worries rob you of the time you have while Aftyn is still in the most perfect place she could be. She will be crying in your arms soon enough, and through the night, and into the next week. We have never stopped praying for you.
Wow, so much to deal with. You really are amazing. I'm glad that Aftyn seems to be doing all right now. Thank you sharing these things. You have so many people who care about you and your wonderful family, I'm glad that you're so willing to share what's going on. I will keep you and Aftyn in my prayers.
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