Finally Feeling it...

I just had to write a quick post just in case this is a fleeting moment....I'm finally feeling the Christmas spirit! I have had such a difficult time this year getting into the holiday spirit. It just doesn't seem like Christmas yet. I have been so stressed about doing enough for my kids on quite a limited budget. They are incredible and wouldn't care if they got one or a dozen presents, it's me that cares. I keep having to tell myself that that is not what Christmas is all about. Having a Christ centered Christmas is what truly matters. But somewhere in my mind I equated getting presents as a child with feeling loved.

I was telling Ken that I feel so stuck this year. Last year Ken was out of work and we were on the receiving end of a lot Christ-like love. It was humbling and very much appreciated. This year thankfully Ken has a job, but as much as I would like to reciprocate the generosity we have received in the past it just isn't feasible this year. Which makes me feel lousy. I haven't done any neighborhood gifts, or friend gifts, or extended family gifts, or gifts for the needy, or ANYTHING. I haven't even finished my kids shopping. It just feels so hard to feel the Christmas spirit when you can't give to people like you really want to. I've been feeling really rather blah about this holiday season.

Until today....Today I am so happy I'm almost giddy. I should back up and mention that I have been a real grouch with my kids lately. I am having a hard time being patient and they are spending (especially the little ones) a lot of time yelling and screaming at each other. That is usually how my day starts which instantly make me wish they came with a mute button. Yesterday Todd and McKenna woke up fighting with each other, it was all I could do to pull myself out of bed because all I really wanted to do was curl up in a corner of my closet and never come out. When I did finally get enough energy to get up and deal with the beginnings of a cruddy day I found Sydney and Tyler making me breakfast. Had I waited another 5 minutes it would have been breakfast in bed, instead it was breakfast on the couch. I was instantly humbled and so grateful. The rest of the day didn't proceed in the dreaded way I had anticipated. It went pretty darn good.

But today....today was a miracle and a much needed blessing.

This morning I slept in until almost 9 am. Daric didn't wake up early, then when he did he was happy and full of loves. McKenna and Todd didn't fight or scream at each other, they actually whispered. I woke up to peace in the house and lots of snow outside. Todd was the first to go outside to start shoveling. He was soon joined by three of our neighbors who completely shoveled our driveway, walkway, and sidewalks. Then my kids went across the street to do the same for another neighbor. Those neighbors joined our kids outside and had a great time playing in the snow. I stayed inside and paid bills...and guess what?....It wasn't torture. I had enough money to pay all the bills with some left over. Plus, we had a very generous gift from Santa arrive last night which enables me to not have to worry about Christmas anymore. I feel a huge weight off my shoulders. Ken and I will finish our shopping together later this week and although we still want to have a smaller than usual Christmas now it can be stress free. And I can enjoy it! I am finally excited and looking forward to Christmas instead of dreading it.

I know much of my blah attitude had much to do with the fact that I was struggling to be grateful. Thanksgiving came and went and I feel like I totally missed the boat in the gratitude department. I was feeling bad about that, but just couldn't seem to pull myself together and feel completely grateful for this particular stage of my life. That same blah  feeling has followed into December until today. Today I am grateful for so many things. They are the very same things that I took for granted yesterday. But today my heart if full, it is lighter, and I am happy. I am so blessed!

Merry Christmas everybody!