Parenting 101

Disclaimer: Generally I think it is a good idea NOT to give other people parenting advice. Every child/family is different. Typically we are all just trying to do the best job we can. I am certainly NO parenting expert. I make mistakes everyday. And I don't claim to have perfect children, they too makes mistakes. This post is just my opinion, but I do have a parenting tip that seems simply like a no brainer.

In order to explain my parenting beef I must first share with you a story. I call it...

THE URINATOR'S

Tuesday afternoon of last week I was lying on my couch in the front room trying to catch a nap while my little ones were asleep. I was awoken by laughter and opened my eyes to see two of our neighborhood kids running up to the front door. They rang the door bell and ran away. Instantly I was irritated because I was not in the mood to get up or to have my children woken up by neighbor kids pulling a prank. I also didn't want it to happen again so I got up and went to the edge of my yard and called for the kids I had just saw ring my doorbell. Of course they didn't answer back, but I felt certain that they knew I knew who they were.

As I walked back to my porch I realized that their little prank didn't include just doorbell ditching, they had also left a little gift, and bottle of apple juice. To be honest my first thought was to give them the benefit of the doubt and for a split second my heart softened. I thought that maybe they had done something nice. The next moment I realized that that theory didn't make any sense and I instantly began to wonder what was in the apple juice container. My suspicions were quickly confirmed when I opened the bottle and smelled the contents. Our dear little neighbor kids had left us a bottle of URINE.

I quickly washed my hands, put the bottle in a grocery sack and marched over to the culprits house. The girl (this duo was a brother and sister team) met me in the street on my way over. Holding up the bag I asked her if she thought this was funny. She denied having anything to do with it. I explained that I had watched the whole thing and knew that she was very much involved. I asked her who's pee was in the bottle. She was very willing to give up her brother and another neighbor boy. Having learned that this duo was actually a threesome I marched across the street to the other boys home.

His mother came to the door and I explained that I needed to speak to her because unfortunately her son left his urine on my front porch. I explained what had happened, she did not deny that her son was involved yet there was no apology. She did an awful lot of blaming the other two children. Apparently her son always gets in trouble when he is with them. She seemed to be saying...my son is a follower so he's not accountable for his choices. Seriously? She said she would find out what she could and let me know. I left feeling like I had just spoken to a brick wall.

I went home and went about my day planning on talking to the other set of parents when they came home from work. While I was running errands I received a message from the father of the two. He had learned about what had happened and immediately called to offer an apology and see about getting together to work this out.

I was still really ticked and did not return the phone call right away. In the mean time Ken had called and Tyler had spilled the beans to him. He was livid. Which was actually a great relief to me because Ken spent almost 2 years as this families home teacher and I was afraid that he was going to be too nice. I was actually glad that he was out of town all week so I could handle it the way I wanted because I had no intention of being nice. After learning that he was ready to drop kick those kids I decided to let Ken handle the situation.

Ken made a call to the Dad that night and basically said... I'm out of town. I'll handle this when I get home. I'm are totally disgusted. Keep your kids away from my house. Don't bother Nancy. Tell your kids I'm livid and I want to speak with them when I get back.

I stayed out of it, and that is where things stayed until Sunday. (I'll get back to this)

So this is the thought that kept rolling through my head the whole week and the real reason for this post...where the heck has the other kid been all week?

Ken had made it clear to the one family to stay away from me and my house so I didn't expect to see them at my door step with an apology, but given the opportunity that is exactly what they would have done.

What about the other half? There is pee belonging to two boys sitting in my garbage can. Where is the other boy? I kept thinking that if my boys were dumb enough to do something like that I would be dragging them over by their hair to apologize in person. But as of yet (it's been a week) there has been nothing.

So here is my parenting tip for the day...As parents we have a sacred duty to rear our child in love AND righteousness. We must TEACH them to be accountable for their choices. How does a child learn to choose the right when a parent misses an opportunity to teach, covers up a child's bad behavior, and blames someone else? I actually feel bad for the kid because his parents are doing his no favors. Unfortunately if a parent fails to teach a child society will, but society will not be nice about it.

That is my biggest parenting beef. We all make mistakes. We are all human, it's in our nature to be imperfect. So when we screw up, fix it. When our kids screw up lovingly teach them, even if that means that a lesson has to hurt. I'm not talking about beating them, I'm talking about making them accountable. It may sting to have to walk up and say sorry for making a stupid choice, it may be humiliating. But that's how we learn. If the consequence hurts then maybe we'll think twice about doing it again.

Okay, nough said.

Oh wait, one more thing. On Sunday I ran into at least one parent from both families. Still no word from the one, but the other were very quick to offer another apology, an explanation of their children's consequences which included an apology letter and Ken and I will have the opportunity (that sounds like the wrong word for this situation) to speak with them late this week.

For those of you who may be feeling for the other parent. Maybe giving her the benefit of the doubt that she had a terrific teaching moment at home with her son. That is very nice of you, but I think NOT!

Okay, now I'm done.